Hope, Recovery & Empowerment

“The secret to happiness is to count your blessings while others are adding up their troubles.”

The longer I live the more clear it has become to me that we all have our share of troubles. No one is exempt from having problems and challenges in life. There maybe times when we think things are going really well and that maybe true. However, sooner than later the waves will come crashing in to our so called “perfect” life.

Ultimately we can not avoid this fact of life that there will always be problems to solve and challenges to work through and overcome. To be human is to go through a continual process of learning and growing.

What is important is to recognize there are as many if not more blessings in our lives as there are challenges. We have so much we can be thankful for just in a run of one day. If we look really closely there is something to be thankful for each and every moment of our lives. Even if it is being thankful for the very next breath we take.

Sometimes, looking at my so called “problems” I figure I have a ‘heavy cross to bear’. I believe this is a tendency most humans share until we hear about what others are going through in their lives. Until we learn about some of the monsters people are dealing with on a daily basis.

It amazes me when I hear about the kinds of things people deal with in their lives. It is inspiring to hear other’s stories. It also gives us perspective on our so called “problems”. Some face physical and health challenges, others are tormented by mental illness, and yet others deal with the pain and heartache of failed, unfulfilling and or destructive relationship and family issues, and others are in unimaginable inner pain and internal turmoil.

This is not to minimize any person’s problems or challenges. The truth is that we all get our share and some more than others. Each person’s problems are important to them. That said it is a good thing to look around you sometimes. Often times you’ll realize your problems and challenges are just enough for you to handle them. Somehow everything happens for a reason and there is a purpose for every event in our lives. We may not always see it or understand it right away, but with time we gain perspective.

The secret to happiness is to focus on the positive. It is to pay more attention to all that we can be thankful for in our lives. Sometimes we take for granted the simple things like being able to live in a free country, to have clean water, food, and home. We need to always remember to be thankful for our health if we’re blessed so. Our health is the most important thing we have in life. We can be thankful for nurturing and loving relationships we have. We can always be grateful for the gift of life. We can cherish each day and every moment in our day for we don’t know what tomorrow will bring. 

Life's up and downs provide windows of opportunity to determine your values and goals. Think of using all obstacles as stepping stones to build the life you want. ~ Marsha Sinetar 

It has been a while since I sat down to write. I had written 14 chapters of my book and I had nine more chapters left to finish. I may have made a handful of blog entries the past few months and that is about it. I did not have writer’s block. I simply did not have the motivation or the energy to write.

About four months ago I started to feel fatigued all the time. My energy level was very low. I felt physically exhausted most of the time. I didn’t enjoy the things I typically enjoy doing. Majority of the time all I wanted to do was sleep. Sleep had become my new best friend. It was the only place I felt comfortable. That said even getting up from long hours of sleep I didn't feel rested.

I was also feeling irritable and angry often for no apparent reason. My mood was very low. I was feeling depressed. Being a psych nurse I figured that much but I couldn't understand why it was happening.  This went on for a couple of months and I continued to feel physically and emotionally exhausted. This was starting to affect every aspect of my life including my close relationships. I discussed the issue with my family doctor and she suggested I should take a stress leave from work. The reason being that I had started a new shift work schedule and we thought that may have been affecting my sleep.

However, I didn’t want to take a break from work. Frankly it was the only time when I could focus my attention on others and felt like I was actually being helpful and useful. That said I wanted to find out what was happening. I have had times when I felt sad or had low energy, but not for extended period like this. I knew something was amiss.

I went to see my Doctor again and requested to have my blood work checked. Sure enough I found out that I was hypothyroid. It explained most if not all the symptoms I was having. It was a relief to know what was happening and also to know that I could do something about it. I got started on Synthroid right away and here I am months later just starting to feel like my-self again.

I've had many challenges in my life and have overcome them. However nothing had prepared me for the health challenge I faced the past four months. I’ve enjoyed good health for most part of my life and being a health care worker I don’t take it for granted. Going through this challenge reaffirms what I believe is one of the most important things in life – health. 

Recovery starts with a desire for change.

It demands commitment.

Recovery is a willingness to have faith.

It requires great courage.

Recovery is choosing life.

Everyday,every hour and sometimes moment by moment.

Recovery is hard work.

It maybe the biggest battle you’ll fight in your life.

Recovery is a process.

Nothing happens overnight.

Recovery is learning to be patient.

It is becoming comfortable with being human.

Recovery is painful.

It is facing your biggest fears and demons.

Recovery is learning to love.

It is having acceptance and compassion.

Recovery is learning to let go.

It is trusting.

Recovery is freedom.

It is the ability to be your authentic self.

“It is through healing our inner child, our inner children, by grieving the wounds that we suffered, that we can change our behavior pattern and clear our emotional process. We can release the grief with its pent-up rage, shame, and terror, and pain from those feeling places which exist within us.

That does not mean that the wound will ever be completely healed. There will always be a tender spot, a painful place within us due to the experiences that we have had. What it does mean is that we can take back the power away from those wounds.

By bringing them out of the darkness in to the Light, by releasing the energy, we can heal them enough so that they do not have the power to dictate how we live our lives today. We can heal them enough to change the quality of our lives dramatically.

We can heal them enough to Truly be happy, Joyous and free in the moment most of the time.” ~ Co-dependence: The Dance of Wounded Souls by Robert Burney

When life is going relatively well and peaceful it can be easy to forget of the tender spots. You can almost feel like you’ve healed completely and there are no longer any tender spots. Personally I tell myself I’ve done the work necessary and I am continuing to work on my recovery so why not? Complete recovery is possible.

For a while now I can honestly say I have healed “enough” to not let my inner children dictate my life and to truly experience happiness, joy and peace in my life. This is part of why I’ve created a blog about healing, recovery, and empowerment.

I feel truly passionate about the topic and want to share with others what I have learned and what has helped me. My hope is that it will help you and others in their path of healing and recovery.

Here is the interesting thing, even though you may have done a lot of work on your recovery things will come up once in a while, (less and less the more you keep working on healing). Nevertheless they will come up that will push your buttons and remind you the tender spots still exist within you.

The trigger may come up in variety of ways – a person, a place, a situation, a smell, a comment. It could be a combination of different things that essentially remind you of the original wound. This is something that brings the flavour of your old wound and brings back those same feelings and emotions you felt as a child or whenever the trauma occurred.

“When someone “pushes your buttons” he/she is activating that stored, pressurized grief energy. She/he is gouging the old wounds, and all of the newer wounds that are piled on top of those original wounds by our repeating behavior patterns.”

Most of the time you can recognize it early enough to be mindful of what is happening avert potential problems.  Other times it can be so powerful and painful to throw you in to unconscious reactions and old patterns.

I had a situation that happened this weekend that definitely activated my grief energy. I received an email from one of my siblings that made me feel like they were "gouging the old wounds" (mind you my sibling had no clue they were doing that). It was completely unintentional.

While reading this email message I can feel the anger and rage within me bubbling up. The message that came through for me was “You’re not important.” “You’re not loved.” and “You don’t matter.” "You're not worth it." The same messages and feelings I felt while going through years of physical, emotional, and verbal abuse by my mother. These were the same painful, toxic messages that had me living in absolute shame, anger, and rage for years.

I went for years reacting out of this place of repressed shame and pain. I made all kinds of choices in my life, some of which I’m not proud of, because I had allowed my inner children to dictate my life. If you’re in the path of recovery you know what I am talking about. “When we are reacting out of our childhood emotional wounds, then what we are feeling may have very little to do with the situation we are in or with the people with whom we are dealing in the moment.” This is how we make a blunder of our relationships and ultimately our lives.

“We are all carrying around repressed pain, terror, shame, and rage energy from our childhoods, whether it was twenty years ago or fifty years ago. We have this grief energy within us even if we came from a relatively healthy family, because this society is emotionally dishonest and dysfunctional.”

I wish I could tell you in this instance I made the right choice. I did not. I reacted. I sent back a snarky email with a rude comment thrown in. Then I went in to a huge emotional reaction that threw me in to “that dark pit of emotional despair within.” It was pure misery and intolerably painful. I knew at this point that this reaction wasn’t just about the situation – I had a “button pushed” in my tender spot.

“We are terrified of this pressurized pain, terror, shame, and rage energy – of “having our buttons pushed” – because we have experienced it in the past as instances where we have explosively overreacted in ways that caused us to later feel ashamed and crazy, or as implosive reactions that have thrown us in to that deep dark pit of emotional despair within.”

If you are currently experiencing the emotional pain of having a button pushed in your tender spot I can honestly say I understand. I know how it feels. Your situation may be different but the feelings and emotions are the same.

All you can do is recognize it for what it is and feel the feelings. Feel the pain, the grief, the shame, and the rage energy. Feel whatever you’re feeling. Then let it go. In time the pain will ease and you’ll move forward with your life.

Times like these make me question if there is such a thing as complete recovery from childhood emotional wounds and trauma. Perhaps recovery is not about finding a complete cure, but it is a life long, ongoing process of learning and growing. Healing is not about cure. It is learning to live at our optimum physical, emotional, and spiritual potential as human beings.  

“The flavour and the sheer job of non-doing are difficult for Americans to grasp because our culture places so much value on doing and on progress. Even our leisure tends to be busy and mindless.

The joy of non-doing is that nothing else needs to happen for this moment to be complete. The wisdom in it, and the equanimity that comes out of it, lie in knowing that something else surely will.

When Thoreau says, ‘it was morning, and lo, now it is evening, and nothing memorable is accomplished’ this is waving the red flag in front of a bull for go-getting, progress-oriented people.

But who is to say that his realizations of one morning spent in his doorway are less memorable or have less merit than a lifetime of busyness, lived with scant appreciation for stillness and the bloom of the present moment?

Thoreau was singing a song which needed hearing then as it does now. He is, to this day, continually pointing out for anyone willing to listen, the deep importance of contemplation and of non-attachment to any result other than the sheer enjoyment of being, all ‘far better than any work of the hands would have been.’

This view recalls the old Zen master who said, ‘Ho ho. For Forty years I have been selling water by the river and my efforts are totally without merit.’

It reeks of paradox. The only way you can do anything of value is to have the effort come out of non-doing and to let go of caring whether it will be of use or not.

Otherwise, self-involvement and greediness can sneak in and distort your relationship to the work, or the work itself, so that it is off in some way, biased, impure, and ultimately not completely satisfying, even if it is good.

Good scientists know his mind state and guard against it because it inhibits the creative process and distorts one’s ability to see connections clearly.”

 ~ Wherever You Go, There You Are by Jon Kabat-Zinn, page 38-39

I love Jon Kabat-Zinn’s books. I have read Full Catastrophe Living: Using the Wisdom of Your Body and Mind to Face Stress, Pain, and Illness as well as Everyday Blessings: The Inner Work of Mindful Parenting. Currently I’m almost finished reading Wherever You Go, There You Are.

Reading the above particular passage struck me to my core. I saw myself in it – where I was and where I am now.

It is so easy to get caught up in the idea of pursuing a dream or a goal and become completely lost. As a society we are obsessed with success. It starts in the school systems and continues on in the corporate and business world.

The definition of success becomes quiet narrow too. Essentially success boils down to how much money you make and how much stuff you have. Never mind the quality of your life, relationships, and most importantly your state of consciousness.

Your life becomes consumed by thoughts of bigger and better things and in a constant state of doing. I want, I want, I want….then…I have to do this, and then that and this…

Do you ever stop? Do you ever take a moment to just be?

Here is the interesting part in all of this, most people say that they do not enjoy what they do. If I’m not mistaken the stat is as high as 80% of people report they don’t enjoy their work.

I believe all this emphasis on the value of success, progress, and money pushes people in the wrong direction. When choosing a career most people don’t follow their hearts and their passion. They are influenced by their family, culture, as well as society and its distorted view of success.

The people that are blessed in this world do what they love and are fairly compensated for it. However there is no guarantee that in choosing to do what you love you will get fairly compensated for it in the world. However if it is your passion then the reward is in the doing.

I agree with Jon when he stated “The only way you can do anything of value is to have the effort come out of non-doing and to let go of caring whether it will be of use or not.”

To me this is about discovering your passion and feeding your passion. It is about doing something because you love and enjoy it so much. You’ll do what you do whether you get paid for it or not and with no strings or attachment.

Discovering your passion is not always simple. Some people know their passion and life calling since a very young age. Most people have to search for it in all the wrong places and or need to slow down enough to be still and listen to learn. Even once you discover your passion it takes courage to follow it and to live it.

Personally, I knew from a very young age that I loved reading and writing. However, as I got older I started to pay attention to my teachers and my mom. I don’t remember why I decided to get in to nursing but I did. I believe my mom had something to do with it.

Luckily I stumbled upon something in nursing school that I knew I had a passion for – mental health nursing. This was my saving grace. I know many people go through four or five or even 10 years of education and realize they have no passion for what they’re doing.

This is a hard place to be. All the time, energy, and money spent to realize that you’re in the wrong path. If you are in that place please know that you are not alone. Also know that it is possible to move forward from where you’re at. It will take courage and willingness to let go.

Shortly after I started university I was also introduced to network marketing. Looking back I can appreciate the many skills I’ve learned in network marketing however I also realize that network marketing can be a huge trap.

People can get caught up in the “I want success more than anything” band-wagon and be completely lost. For a while I was in this place of constant, never ending wanting and doing. I had become a workaholic.

I remember coming home from a twelve hour day shift and then spending a couple of hours with Rebekah and house work. Then at 9pm at night getting on the phone and staying up talking on the phone until 1 am. Only to get up for next day’s work, another twelve hour shift at 5am in the morning. This was absolute insanity.

I had no time for non-doing. What the heck is that? I had no time for this moment. This moment was not important. It was a means to an end. The future was all that mattered and the future looked great.

People become so dissatisfied with the present moment. People lose sight of what is important and what matters. People stop enjoying their life.

It took me a long time before I realized that I needed to stop and evaluate my life. I was almost caught up in a trance. Hypnotized. The process of coming in to this realization is a topic for another post.

What I can tell you is that today I love my life. I love what I do as a mental health nurse and my work as a writer/blogger. I am taking many moments for non-doing, such as going for a walk in the woods for two hours on a gorgeous, sunny day like today with Tyler and Rebekah. I was not worried about time or doing anything. I was there totally soaking in the sunshine and the beauty of nature. My mind was calm and I was present.

I know with all my heart and soul that I derive joy from what I am doing in my life currently. I feel my work as a mental health nurse as well as working on my writing is my life’s calling. Everyday I feel truly blessed to have the opportunity to work on things I feel so passionate about. 

“You cannot run away from weakness; you must some time fight it out or perish; and if that be so, why not now, and where you stand?” ~ Robert Louis Stevenson

Sometimes people tell me that they feel stuck in their lives. They feel like they’re in a rut or spinning their wheels and going nowhere so fast. Underneath this feeling of being stuck is usually resides fear. Fear is one of the biggest culprits that holds people back from moving forward and achieving their full potential.

People can become so paralyzed by fear sometimes they can become comfortable with it. They get in to dysfunctional patterns that are usually boring and painful. They will go on repeating self defeating patterns for years and never take the next step. Having fear is part of being human but isn’t an excuse to come to a standstill. Fear is a cue to take the next step and move forward.

It is human nature to want to run away from our fears, vulnerabilities, and weaknesses. However running away will not solve our problems. On the other hand we also spend years chasing after things. We look for solutions outside of ourselves only to realize that we had everything within us to heal our selves.  The answers lie within and are not outside of us.

“Confront your fears, list them, get to know them, and only then will you be able to put them aside and move ahead.”~ Jerry Gillies

Looking within involves confronting our fear and facing our worst demons. This process is called recovery. It involves being mindful of what is happening within us. It involves paying attention to our thoughts and feelings. It involves a little bit of elbow grease and discomfort. There is a price to pay in recovering your sanity. Refuse to pay the price and do the work you end up paying a bigger price – loosing your self. You also end up loosing your peace of mind, your happiness, and ultimately your potential.

You have to decide that you will do whatever it takes to face and overcome your fears. You say you want to be happy and you want to achieve your highest potential. You have goals and dreams of what you want in your life. That is wonderful. The question remains are you willing to take responsibility for your life? Are you willing to pay the price and confront and face your fears? Are you willing to look within?

“The longest journey is the journey within.” It is probably also the scariest journey. However like the saying goes no gut, no glory. You’ve got to take the steps to face your fears. Take the time to look within and find out what is happening. Find out what needs to change. Find out the problems and issues. Be willing to examine your thoughts and feelings. Take the time to feel your feelings and be with them.

There has never been a better time in the history of humanity when there are so many resources out there. You have everything you need within and without to do the work of your recovery. All the tools and information you need to do the work of recovery and healing is available. You can start at your local library of book store.

If you are currently in hospital work with your care team. If you are within the community access the programs and people that will help facilitate your recovery. Sometimes you can do most of the work on your own, but it always helps to have someone else who can support and encourage you. That said, you don’t need anyone else to do the work for you. You must do the work yourself. Others are there as a guide and a as a support.

Know that recovery and healing are possible for you. You don’t have to let fear hold you back. When you find the courage to confront your fears you will find the strength to overcome your challenges. On the other side of fear awaits you freedom. Freedom to be who you are and to become all you were meant to be. Freedom to love and be loved. Freedom to achieve your fullest potential as a human being. 

 
“You can conquer almost any fear if you will only make up your mind to do so. For remember, fear doesn't exist anywhere except in the mind.” ~ Dale Carnegie

“Wherever you are, be there totally. If you find your here and now intolerable and it makes you unhappy, you have three options: remove yourself from the situation, change it, or accept it totally.” ~ Eckhart Tolle

I believe most people have something in their lives they wish was different. It could be something as simple as a different hair colour, loosing 10 pounds, or something as complicated as sex change. Life is not perfect. That said, in life there are many things we have control over and we can change. For the few things in life we can not do a whole lot about and change we need to come in to some sort of acceptance and peace or else we end up being utterly miserable.

What is the thing you're not happy about in your life right now? Do you sense a background of discontent in your life? Do you ever wish you could go back to the past and change something? Perhaps a decision you made that influenced your life in a major way? On the other hand do you ever find yourself imagining a future that you feel is better than where you are now and become unhappy at the discrepancy between your reality and your imagined future?

Regardless of the situation you're facing and how you feel about it, know you are not alone. Also know that everyone makes mistakes in their lives. That is just the fact of being human. Whatever it is that is making you unhappy in your life right now can be resolved. This doesn't nessasrily mean you'll get everything you want, but in the least you will find a way to come to terms and accept what is. You can find peace and contentment.

The first step in this process is recognizing and being aware of what is going on inside of you. There are times when we are not paying attention to what's happening within us. It maybe too painful to think about or feel. Other times we know something is happening but we choose to ignore it or numb the feelings with something else outside of ourselves. This is root of all sorts of addictions. Until we acknowledge what is unpleasant, painful and something that is making us unhappy we can't do anything about it. “Awareness is the beginning of change.”

Sometimes it takes people a very long time to become aware of a problem and even longer to acknowledge it. All that time is spent in experiencing suffering and pain. It isn't always intentional either. Sometimes people suffer for a certain period of time before they're forced to face whatever it is that is casing them pain. Or they may not be ready to deal with it yet.

Once you are aware and acknowledge the problem then you're ready to make the changes you need. There are things that are easy enough to change and things that will take a little bit more of an effort and they can be changed too. In this case your next step is to get to work. Figure out what you need to do to make the changes and take action to make it happen. This is simple enough. But what do you do for the things you can not do a whole lot to change? You'll need to recognize that fact and “accept it totally”. This is easier said than done and is one of the biggest challenges in life for most of us. However it's possible and it is the only way to stop the pain and suffering.

I know this has been true in my own life. Looking back I can see some things I would do much differently if I had the opportunity to do so. For one I wouldn't have gotten married or had my daughter as young as I did. I was married when I was 21 and had my daughter at 23. I was too young and definitely not ready emotionally or financially. Those decisions have had a huge influence in my life both positively and negatively. I realize there is nothing I can do to change those events. I have to accept them and focus on the positive and for the most part I have done that. However there are times when I focus on the negatives and become extremely sad and unhappy. It can be a very lonely and painful experience.

What I have learned is that there are times when you just feel your feelings and let it be. Make the best of the situation you're in and learn to focus on the positives. Things are rarely completely good or bad. Change your attitude and outlook about the situation and that will most likely change how you feel. Look at it from a bigger perspective.

Be mindful of all the things you're thankful for. Gratitude is something that will completely transform your life.

Learn to live in the present and accept what it. When you operate from living in the now you will make better decisions that are aligned with who you are and what you truly desire.

Last but not least be gentle and patient with yourself. Forgive yourself and let go of the past. Transformation takes time and healing is a lifetime journey.

“Through forgiveness, which essentially means recognizing the insubstantiality of the past and allowing the present moment to be as it is, the miracle of transformation happens not only within but also without.” ~ Eckhart Tolle

Life is made of relationships. I have come to realize next to having peace in my life relationships are what give life meaning and purpose. Love is what matters most. Nothing will bring my heart more joy than giving and receiving – loving and being loved.

Relationships are fragile and strong at the same time. Trust is the foundation of a relationship. Communication is the windows and doors of the house that bring light in to the house. Acceptance and understanding are like the roof of a house that shelters the house from the harshness of the outside world. Kindness and gentleness are like the walls of a home which create warmth.

If there has been damage to your relationships it can be a very painful thing. Healing from betrayal of trust is one of the hardest things to do. It is a process. Healing takes courage and time. Healing from broken relationships is possible. Healing broken relationships is possible too.

Suffering and pain are part of healing. Unless you express your hurt and grief, unless you feel your pain and let it go - the energy will become stagnant within you. It remains with you as a negative energy/vibe. People can sense the unhappiness and pain within you. They can see it in your face, and sense it in your demeanour as well as feel it in your life energy. It is visible.

Sometimes it is hard to express how you feel and what you think. Sometimes it can be scary. Sometimes you don't get the opportunity to express how you feel and what you think to the person you want to express it too. They may not be open to listen or perhaps this person is not around at all.

It is easier to heal when the other person in the relationship is willing and open to doing the work. It is easier to resolve the issues in the relationship. However one person can start the process of healing. One person can heal on their own terms. Ultimately healing is possible for you if you're willing to do the work. 

"A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step." ~ Confucius

"Empowerment is seeing reality as it really is, owning the choices you have, and making the best of it with the support of a Loving God-Force. There is incredible power in the simple words "I choose" ~ Robert Burney

Recovery is hard work. Regardless of the type of challenges you are facing in life the hardest part will be becoming aware and taking the initial steps towards change. Change can be uncomfortable. However, understand that most people are uncomfortable with change. You're certainly not alone in this. 
 
Most people find it is easier to stay in their own comfort zone, in what feels familiar and comfortable. I'd say this is human nature. However what is easy and comfortable isn't usually the path that will take us to our ultimate goal. 
 
In recovery fear is the biggest obstacle that holds people back from moving forward. Fear is what keeps people from confronting their insecurities, facing their demons, and doing the work. 
 
The beginning of recovery is the hardest part, because it is so overwhelming. There is a lot of emotions that come to the surface. There is a lot of anxiety and perhaps sadness. There is a lot of soul searching to do and it can be exhausting. Feelings of sadness, helplessness, and hopelessness are normal. This is unfamiliar territory. 
 
Of course the intensity of this initial phase depends on what you are dealing with. Typically it involves facing the facts about whatever challenges you're facing in your life. It is about confronting your fears and feeling the feelings you've been avoiding. Perhaps it is feelings of shame or anger or hurt. It could be you're facing an addiction of some sort. Maybe you're facing an ending relationship or a loss of a loved one. Whatever it is you're facing know that you need to go "through" it in order to heal. 
 
Going through it and feeling the feelings is what is called grief work. This is the process of healing and recovery. This is how you resolve the turmoil that is within you. You will need to talk about it, acknowledge the feelings and feel the feelings and move forward from there. 
 
As a mental health nurse many people tell me that they are terrified of opening up. They're afraid that the emotions and feelings they've bottled up sometimes for years will overwhelm them and they will loose control. They will tell me they're afraid of facing their fears and insecurities because they feel so vulnerable and alone. 
 
What I know is that the fact that people have sought help and are even talking about the process shows their willingness to get better. Being in a place where they can receive help shows their courage to take steps to getting help. From there it is a matter of taking small steps and trusting to go through the process of working with the care team to resolve the issues that are overwhelming them. This takes a huge amount of courage. 
 
I believe that the initial feelings of anxiety, fear, and sadness will subside once you persist on taking action. No matter what your challenges are in life if you have a desire to get better you will find healing. Getting out of denial and getting on the path of recovery will be the hardest part. Once you're on the path it is a matter of having faith and taking small steps towards your goals. 
 
Recovery is a life long process. It is a journey. Life will always have its ups and downs and those will always be there. However, if you do the work now and resolve the issues that hold you back then you'll have the rest of your life to enjoy. If you don't those issues will always be undermining your happiness and limiting your potential as a human being. 

Healing may not be so much about getting better, as about letting go of everything that isn't you - all of the expectations, all of the beliefs - and becoming who you are. ~ Rachel Naomi Remen

A lot of people say they want to get out of pain, and I'm sure that's true, but they aren't willing to make healing a high priority. They aren't willing to look inside to see the source of their pain in order to deal with it. ~ Lindsay Wagner

There is something beautiful about all scars of whatever nature. A scar means the hurt is over, the wound is closed and healed, done with. ~ Harry Crews

Recently someone asked me an interesting question, "What hurts the most emotional pain or physical pain?". My answer was emotional pain because it is not always obvious to people. When you have a physical pain or an injury of some sort it is typically visible to the eye. People can look at sympathize with you whereas emotional pain is somewhat subtle.  

The first step in the journey of healing is to be willing to look at whatever it is causing you the pain. Even though it is not always clear to others you know if you are feeling pain in your life. You have to be willing to acknowledge the pain and have a desire to resolve it. 

Many times we are afraid of looking at the sources of our problems because it also will mean facing our fears. It means facing reality as it is and at times the reality maybe too painful to face. However process of healing can only begin when we're willing to look at what is no matter how painful it is. It takes a lot of courage to do this. 

What you need to know is that you're not alone in your feelings of fear. Whatever it is that you're facing in your life that is causing you pain and is just calling your attention that there is a part of you that needs to heal.

I have learned in my life that my greatest pain and fears stemmed from not being myself. It came from my past hurts and painful experiences I went though in my childhood. However there came a time when it was more painful to continue living my life the way it was than to begin the work of healing.

I was afraid to face my fears and the truths and realities of everything that has happened. I was too angry and I wanted to hold on to the resentments I had of the people that hurt me. I wanted to hold on to the anger and the hurt.

What I realized though was that holding on to those things that weren't my true nature was hurting me more than anyone else. I had to feel the pain and grieve my losses and let them go. I had to let go. Letting go is not the easiest thing to do but is is a necessary step in order for healing to take place.  

When you are willing to let go then you also become willing to take responsibility. You take control of your own happiness. No one will have power over you. Not the people that may have caused you pain, not your emotions, or anything else for that matter. 

When decide to  let go and embrace your fears and vulnerabilities you'll find freedom. Freedom to be yourself, freedom to feel your feelings, freedom to own your pain and freedom to grieve your losses. It is a liberating and cleansing experience. From this point there is no where but to go up.

The first step maybe the hardest step you'll take in this journey of healing. Ask yourself and reflect on, What is it that is causing me pain? What am I afraid of? What are the areas of my life that I am not happy with? Then listen to the answers. 

All the answers may not come to you right away, but listen to your heart. No one is more qualified. This is the beginning of your journey to healing and recovery. 

Healing takes courage, and we all have courage, even if we have to dig a little to find it. ~ Tori Amos

'Hope' is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tunes without the words,
And never stops at all.

~Emily Dickinson

At one point or another no matter who you are life has a way of presenting you with challenges at times you feel are too painful to bear. You can't see the light at the end of the tunnel, you feel frustrated, and almost close to loosing hope. You're not alone! 

In every situation and circumstance what makes the biggest difference in how we handle a crisis depends mainly on our perception of the problem. As well how successfully we resolve the problem will depend on our perception of our ability to cope. No matter how bad things get we can choose to hang on to faith and hope. 

Once you choose HOPE, anything’s possible. ~ Christopher Reeve

When I think about hope I'm always reminded of my experience living in Thika refugee camp in Kenya. When I was 11 years old my family and I left Ethiopia because of civil war and in search of a better life. We lived in a refugee camp for two years prior to coming to Canada in 1993. At the time there were thousands of people who lived in camp. Most of the people in camp were in similar situation as we were.

The camp was extremely crowded and unsanitary. In Thika there were a few brick buildings that were originally built when there were fewer refugees. When we were there the population had grown much larger. There were thousands of tents for miles.  

Generally refugee life was unpredictable. People did not know what will happen day to day. Food was scarce and sometimes unavailable. Despite those conditions people stayed in camp because they didn't want to go back home to war torn places and they had hope of a better life. The dream was always to go to America, Canada, or Australia. What kept people alive and going was the hope of going to a better country and starting over.  

However that process of resettlement was a very length and difficult process. There were so many factors that influenced what was to happen most of which were out of the person's control. Ultimately it depended on finding sponsors who were willing to help the refugee in the resettlement process in the new country.

When we first arrived in camp we discovered there were people that have been in camp for years. Others waited a year or two and some shorter time periods and left. They couldn't handle the harsh life of refugee camp. Others didn't want or couldn't go back to their country and lost hope and some even committed suicide.   

"Those who know how close the connection is between the state of mind of a man - his courage and hope, or lack of them - and the state of immunity of his body will understand that the sudden loss of hope and courage can have a deadly effect." ~ Victor Frankl 

My family and I waited for about a year before we found out that we had found sponsors. That period of time when we didn't know what was going to happen or even if something was going to happen we had to hold on to hope. Hope that things will change and that we would find sponsors to go to a better place and resettle. 

When you are in that type of situation you feel like there is no way out. All we could do at that point was pray that somehow something will happen and that we will find a way. I do believe in the law of attraction. My mom use to always tell us that we were going to go to Canada. She use to describe in detail to us how we would go to school and our life would be better. We were kids then and didn't know better but I remember daydreaming about being in school. 

Everything that is done in the world is done by hope. ~ Martin Luther King, Jr. 

We finally did found sponsors and were able to come to Canada after two years in refugee camp. Our life has been completely changed since coming to Canada. All of my brothers and sisters have attended university. We are all pursuing our dreams and goals. Thank God to our sponsors who cared enough to extend their helping hands. 

I share this story with you because I want you to know that whatever your situation is right now it will get better. Nothing stays the same in life. Everything changes. When you can't see a way out of where you are just have faith and believe. Don't ever give up hope. Hope is what will get you through the roughest times in your life.  

Keep visualizing your life when the problems you're facing now are resolved. Even if you feel like you can't see that happening just keep the picture in your mind. Keep thinking positively and then do all you can to make your situation better. Seek help. Explore your options. You will find help if you seek it. Hang in there things will get better. 

Please share your story of finding hope or overcoming a challenge in your life. What helped you cope? What helped you hang on to hope? 

Ness, 

"Empowerment: having some autonomy of action, having the courage to act, and taking responsibility for one's action."  ~ Austin, W., & Boyd M.A. (2008). Psychiatric Nursing for Canadian practice.

What is empowerment? What does it mean to be empowered? What does the process of personal empowerment involve? Personally what does empowerment mean to you?

There are many different definitions and meanings of empowerment. In this post I want to explore the meaning of empowerment from personal development and recovery point of view. 

"Empowerment is promotion of the continued growth and development of strength, power, and personal excellence." ~ Austin, W., & Boyd M.A. (2008). Psychiatric Nursing for Canadian practice.

We all have problems, obstacles, and challenges we face in our lives. Sometimes we find ourselves in situations and circumstances we do not have control over. An example of that would be the environment in which we are born in to or our genetic make up. Those things have great influence in our lives, but we do not have a say in the matter. That said at some point we can overcome the effects of environment and make a choice to change our environment.  

Overcoming the effects of negative environment whether that was a difficult, abusive childhood, a toxic family or romantic relationship, addiction, or low self esteem requires courage. Empowerment involves becoming aware of the painful situation you're in, but taking the necessary steps to make changes. The biggest step is recognizing there is a problem and being willing to accept it. Once you do that then the next step is to seek solutions and take the steps to overcome your challenge.  

Regardless of what happened in the past you have a choice today to move forward. Yes those things that have happened in your past can and will affect you. That said, your past does not define who you are or determine your future. You have the power to make decisions for yourself and determine your own destiny. 

We all have "stuff" that happened in our past. It is part of being in the "human family". My childhood was one of the most difficult times in my life and there were things that happened in my family that affected me for a long time. However, I realized at a young age I had choices. Some of the choices were very difficult and painful, but I did what I had to do to survive and thrive. Then I took the steps I needed to find hope, and healing.  

What you need to realize is that whatever it is that has happened in your past that you are struggling with know you're not alone. If you have the desire to make changes and move forward you can do so. This is a time where there are so many tools and resources to support you in your efforts. Seek help and guidance in the areas you need. There is no shame in asking for help. Personal empowerment comes from taking responsibility for your life and for your actions.

Fear and shame are the biggest factors that hold people back from moving forward in their lives. If you can overcome those two things then what is on the other side if freedom. Freedom to be yourself and accept all part of yourself. Freedom to learn, change, grow, and become all you can become. It is being able to turn your weaknesses and challenges in to strengths.  Ultimately that is what empowerment is all about. We are all capable of overcoming the challenges in our lives, growing and changing.  

Please feel free to share what empowerment means to you.  Also share your story of overcoming challenges and becoming empowered in your life.

Ness, 

Recovery is a process of accepting those challenges and working through them. It is the journey of personal development and growth. Recently doing research on a definition of recovery I came across the excerpt below.  

"Recovery can be defined as a personal process of tackling the adverse impact of experiencing mental health problems, despite their continuing or long-term presence. Used in this sense,recovery does not mean "cure".

Recovery is about people seeing themselves as capable of recovery rather than as passive recipients of professional interventions.

Recovery involves personal development and change, including acceptance there are problems to face, a sense of involvement and control over one's life, the cultivation of hope and using the support from others, including collaborating in solution-focused work with informal carers and professional workers.

Some people recovering from mental illness claim that this "disability" has increased the depth and reach of their lives.Out of adversity has come change, personal development and growth.This is in stark contrast to the still predominant yet rarely spoken belief that people may never make a recovery."

The road to recovery is not always easy, but it is worth it. In my own life I can look back and see how far I've come. I can also honestly say that all the pain and heartache I felt working through my issues are now worth it. I have finally come to a place of acceptance. I have peace of mind and joy and compassion for others who are still suffering.

For me the issues I had to work on stemmed mostly from my childhood. I will tell you about those in another post. However, for you it maybe something else. Every person has different challenges they face in their lives. For some it maybe a physical disability, and for others it maybe the death of a loved one, and for others it is addictions of some sort.

Regardless of what it is people are struggling with the responsibility to work through those challenge remains the responsibility of the individual. No matter what has happened in our past we still have the ability to rise above it, work through it and learn to make the best of our lives.

To me that is what recovery is all about. It is about empowerment. I could look back at my life and see so many things that have happened that were not necessarily positive. I could have chosen to be bitter about it and become self destructive. For a time I did some of that, but at a certain point in my life I decided that I was going to take control of my own life.

I chose a different path, than what was easy. Doing the work of recovery I had to face my fears, and my worst demons. I had to look at the past and the things that were unpleasant and confront them. I had to come to acceptance of what happened and what is now. Then I had to learn to let go.

At times it may seem so easy to just numb the pain in different ways. Even to be in denial and believe that the problems didn't exist, but they were there. I knew they were there. What holds most people back from facing their problems is FEAR. People put up so many walls in order not to face their fears. Building walls will eventually isolates you and creates a prison.

The road to recovery begins when it becomes too painful to live in that prison and you become willing to start taking those walls and defenses down. It begins when you start to face your fears and start tackling the issues in your life. It is not easy in the beginning, but it becomes easier. In the end it is much better than living with the pain and misery of unresolved issues.

In other post I will be sharing with you my journey of recovery. My hope is that you will know that whatever you're facing in your life you're not alone. Also that if you take small steps in the right direction that you can conquer any challenge. Recovery is possible if you're willing to do the work.